I've long ago given up making a new year's resolution. Whatever I resolved to do doesn't usually work out for me. Lose ten pounds? Gained ten pounds instead. Before 2016 started I'd been thinking about what changes I want to make in my life. I think about this a lot actually. Maybe this means I am never satisfied? I don't know. This is what I quickly jotted down on paper one afternoon: 

1. Fun Hair. I've wanted "mermaid hair" for-freaking-ever. The main reason why I haven't committed sooner is the fact that I had henna in my hair for a long time and apparently bleaching your hair and henna is an absolute no-no. I stopped using henna before I had Jasper and before my maternity leave ended I hacked off about 7'' of hair. Since then I've been using store hair color and growing it out again. I have an appointment on Tuesday to get my hair bleached and then I am coloring my hair magenta. Ruby is going to be so jealous. 
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2. New Glasses. My eyesight suffered terribly when I was pregnant with Jasper. Like, I can't read most of the overhead signing at work until I am up on it. And don't ask me to read anything from the credits when I'm sitting on the couch watching TV. Yeah, it's bad. So an eye exam and new glasses for me. Cat eyes would be ideal and I'd like for the hunt for glasses to not take a majority of the year.

3. Tattoo. I've wanted another tattoo for a long time but have been unsure what to get and which artist to use. While working I helped a guest with beautiful mandala tattoos on her arm. I asked her who had done the work and it turned out to be the same guy a friend of mine had used. A couple weeks later I was at a neighborhood meeting and started chatting up a girl next to me. Turns out she is married to the aforementioned artist! So I figure this is a sign from the universe that this is supposed to happen. I emailed my neighbor (who helps book her husbands work) and when she asked me about what kind of tattoo I wanted this is what I said: 

As I sent the message I was thinking, "Omg, they are going to think I am totally nuts!"  Instead I got, "that sounds awesome!" and I have a consultation at the end of the month. 

4. More travel. I have a trip to MN planned in February and, if Heath's job stays reliable, we are going to try to spend another month up there this summer. My bro is getting married in June so we'd time our trip around that. I'd also LOVE to get to Atlanta to see one of my best friends who I haven't seen since Ruby was 6 months old. 

5. More Yoga/less TV. We cancelled cable a few months ago but we didn't cancel internet or Netflix so really we  watch about the same amount of TV that we did before. Sure, we have no idea what is going on on The Walking Dead but so far I've been able to avoid any spoilers. More yoga and physical activity in general, really. I have a Fit Bit and regularly walk 10,000-20,000 steps a day which is great but unfortunately I still love the food a little too much. I've maintained (at this point) my highest weight ever for about a year but things need to start going the other direction ASAP. 

6. More Friends. I don't mean that I want more friends, I am actually incredibly blessed to have a large amount of friends, I mean I want more time with those friends. When I had Ruby I counted on some sleepless nights, being puked on, not being able to have nice things, etc. but I didn't expect that sometimes It would be months between seeing my friends. It has actually been one of the harder things about becoming a parent. Heath and his friends have had a regular game night once a week for about 13 years so obviously parents can get together. I don't feel as though my friends suffer from too much "mom guilt" and don't want to take time away from the kids, I think that not getting together comes down to being exhausted. We're tired. Really tired. In the long run though I think we'll be happier and better parents if we take the time to get away and hang out with friends. If you happen to be one of my friends with no kids, I appreciate you and the time we've been able to spend together very much! 

7. Give Less Fucks. Even though I am a grown ass woman I still suffer from Care-what-others-think-itis. I've seen in others who are older than me that not caring what others think about you comes with age and experience but shit, I don't want to wait that long! Besides, if one of my big parenting lessons for the kids is "Be Yourself" than I have to walk the walk and be an example for them. 

8. More Art. See more, do more. Whether it's some of my ceramic work or decorated sugar cookies or a photo session with the kids. I don't care as long as it stirs my creative juices. 

I am excited to have snagged a space at the Bread Box Holiday Market this year! If you've never been the Holiday Market at The Bread Box is a great sale. You can score great art and then have a beer next door at West Sixth! I call that a win/win. For more information check out the event page! 

October was a crazy month. Or should I say, it was a normal month. Seems like they are all crazy nowadays. At the beginning of the month we went to Tennessee with Heath's parents and stayed at the Wilderness Lodge. It got off to a rough start because J-doodle  was spawning a couple teeth. The first few nights he woke up screaming every few hours. Good times. Nothing seemed to help his pain plus I am pretty sure he didn't like sleeping in the Pack and Play. 

Unlike Ruby, who is in l-o-v-e with the water, Doodle was not having it. He basically clung to either Heath or myself and just splashed in the water. I hope this is something he grows out of because I'd be bummed if he didn't! 

It was also my birthday! The big something-something. We had sushi for dinner and despite the fact that the restaurant was crazy busy and Doodle was on the verge of being very hangry it went well. Our waitress learned the hard way that you shouldn't set another tables food down in front of Mr.  Grabby Hands. I've been really surprised at the number of waiters/waitresses who will set food down directly in front of him, especially when the plate is really hot! After dinner we came home, opened presents, and enjoyed a pumpkin pie Blizzard cake-which I didn't know was a legit thing until I made a comment about how awesome it would be if they made one. Went to DQ's website and lo and behold, there it was! 

And the best part of October, Halloween. Ruby decided early on that she wanted to be a "half princess, half TMNT" which I considered an upgrade from her first choice which was "Frozen princess"  I bought a Leo costume, glued on some bling, sewed her a cape, and Voila! Half Princess, Half TMNT. Of course by "Voila" I mean I spent hours of the cape, had glitter in my cleavage and I'm still sweeping glitter off the floor. But she loved it so I loved doing it. Plus it was a chance to be creative AND she won first place in her age group at our community Halloween Party. 

While Ruby won first place for being awesome *I* would have won the prize for 'Most Unflattering Costume in the History of Humanity." Heath and I haven't dressed up in forever and I thought it would be cool to do family costumes. Since Ruby was at least part TMNT I decided that I would be April O' Neil (old school, of course) and Jasper would be Splinter. Heath decided to be Casey Jones. 

Jasper's costume involved cutting off the mane of a lion costume (purchased super cheap last year), dying it a darker brown, and then fashioning a burgundy robe. Mine consisted of a yellow hazmat suit and boots I painted white. Not only was my costume totally unflattering (I knew this going in) but it was so. friggin. hot. And it had no stretch so I didn't have full range of motion. And I had to peel it off because I got so sweaty in it. Yeah, it was gross. But despite that AND the fact that only one person knew who I was (damn you Breaking Bad) I am glad we dressed up. 

Ruby had fun trick or treating. Jasper lasted in the stroller for 45 minutes and then he got super pissed. We let him go to one house and after that he threw a fit if I tried to put him back in the stroller. Eventually he became so obnoxious that I walked back to the house with him. I was actually kind of glad to get back so I could peel myself out of the suit! Next year I'll have to think of a costume with better ventilation. 

September had us closing on our house and moving. Moving was stressful and I cannot, in good conscious recommend it to anyone who hasn't done so in 12 years and added a couple of kids to the mix during that time. Initially Heath and I were like, "We'll just rent a Uhaul and do it all ourselves!" We quickly realized that was a terrible idea and hired movers instead. Good thing we did because Heath was struck with terrible allergies and with the car accident and car hunting things got throw off as far as packing goes.  It seemed like all of the sudden, shit! It was time to move and we weren't even close to being ready.  I worked the day the movers came but as soon as I got off work I was throwing crap into boxes left and right. It took two days to get us all moved and by "all moved" I mean that there is still stuff sitting in the garage at the old place. Ugh. 

The kids are enjoying the fenced in backyard. We even hauled over the huge play set from the old house. That went a lot more smoothly than I thought it would thanks to Heath's dad and several friends. We'd had an offer from someone to buy it and initially I was all for it but now that we have it here I am so glad that we kept it. 

Been livin' a whole lotta life around here lately. Jasper turned one at the end of July. I spent hours making this cake (I need more round cake pans!) and then let him (and Ruby) smash the crap out it. It was fun to watch and the un-smashed bits were still tasty. 

He had his yearly check up and he's still a healthy, hefty, happy little guy. 85th percentile for height, 90th for weight, and still off the charts with his giant noggin. He took his four shots well. Just for the fun of it, a comparison shot of Jasper and Ruby Doo at the same age:

Shortly after returning from Minnesota, after we (I) came to conclusion that moving north wasn't in the cards we decided that we needed a new place. Besides being a little crowded lately I was tired of being in the 'burbs. We started "casually" looking.  As long as we were settled before Ruby started school we'd be fine with taking our time. I think we looked at 5 houses in two weeks before we found "the one", made an offer, etc. It didn't really take long at all considering the area we wanted to live, our not-so-large budget, and the fact that Heath and I wanted completely different things in a house. Me: Older with character, walkable. Him: Move in ready, good school district. Our new place is a new build (2006) in an area of town close to downtown that has been in the process of being revived for a few years. It's walkable to a lot of parks, restaurants, etc. The neighborhood seems to be more of a community than our current neighborhood so that will be a big change for us, as we only know the names of 3 of our neighbors. Gees, that makes me feel like a terrible person. 

Right after getting things finalized with the house I was in a car accident. Thankfully,  the kids weren't with me but Ruby, who saw the accident scene shortly after it happened, almost proudly told everyone at daycare how "momma got her car smashed". I was fine but my poor CR-V did not survive.  It was a stressful week waiting to hear if the insurance company would total it or not. I didn't know that the airbag deploying was the kiss of death to a vehicle but apparently it is. They finally declared it a total loss and I cried when we went to retrieve my belongings from it at the salvage yard.  I really loved my car. 

Car shopping wasn't fun (is it ever?) mainly because I was on a time crunch, both because I wanted to get the rental car back ASAP and I was test driving and haggling with various dealers in the few hours I had after work and before I picked up the kids.  At Heath's behest I test drove other vehicles (a Kia Sonata and a Toyota Rav4) but in the end I decided that I was kidding myself if I thought I wanted anything else other than another CR-V. Buying a car with two kids in tow was a new experience but it wasn't too bad. The dealer who sold us the car ended up being on Ruby sitting duty while Heath and I signed paperwork. Lucky for him she tends to be fairly charming with people who aren't her parents. She mooched three helium balloons and twelve pieces of candy from him by the time everything was all said and done. 

Now the whole car thing is taken care of and we are scheduled to close on the new house in less than a week. Movers are finally booked but the house is a freaking hell hole. Boxes and crap everywhere. Before I started packing I would have said with confidence that the house was fairly organized and that I had done a good job of getting rid of clutter and stuff we don't really need. Maybe not so much. Of course, it has been twelve years since we moved from a 2 bedroom apartment with only two adults. 

Oh, and I've been taking a ceramics class for a couple of months. Don't let this really, really good looking pot throw you (throw you? hahaha.) I assure you the vast majority of what I've thrown are terrible and should be sacrificed to the kiln gods. I started taking the class for my sanity, get more art back in my life, and to conquer my dislike of throwing but it's been hard to not turn off the wheel and start working on a sculpture. 

Lots of stuff going on right now.  Things are stressful right now but I'm  looking forward to the changes.

It's been about a month since we returned from our month long vacation in Minnesota. It was incredible. I've tried writing about it before now but Weebly has been a bitch and has deleted my drafts. Twice. Considering  it's taken me this long and I never actually finished the post I debated whether or not I should just give up. But I'm not a quitter so here it is, our trip to Minnesota.

I have wanted to take an extended trip home for a while. I decided this year it had to happen because I was really missing home. Heath losing his job at the end of last year threw a small wrench in the plan but thankfully he was unemployed only for a short time and, even better, his new job allowed him to work remotely so he was able to join us. If not, I would have driven, by myself, with the kids. Yes, I'm a little crazy.  In case you're curious, it's about a 13 hour drive not including bathroom breaks, feedings,  melt downs, etc. 

The drive up was great. Both kids were cooperative and we made good time even though we hit traffic around Chicago. We didn't drive straight through, instead we took advantage of being some place different and stopped in Milwaukee. We ate at a delicious farm-to-table restaurant where I paid more for my meal than I would usually pay when children are present but it was worth it. That night in Milwaukee was also the last time we would sleep in a king-sized bed for a month. Sleeping in full sized beds for a month really, really made me appreciate my bed at home. I'm spoiled, I know. We rolled into Chisago on Mother's Day where everyone had gathered at my grandma's assisted living apartments to celebrate. It was a great welcome home. 

While in Minnesota we stayed in three different places. Chisago City (where I went to school), Northeast Minneapolis and Uptown, both areas that I had lived in the past. In Chisago we stayed with my aunt and in Minneapolis we rented places through AirBnB. Renting through AirBnB was massively cheaper and much, much more interesting than getting a hotel room. We had tried getting one place for the entire month but that ended up being much pricier than we'd imagined. Like, $5000 a month expensive. In the end I'm glad we got places in different areas because we experienced a lot more. 

Our temporary Northeast home was a small-but-cute duplex a few blocks away from a shopping center called the Quarry. It had the coolest Target ever (called an Innovation Store), a Lee Ann Chin's, and a Caribou. Yummy. We walked there several times, walked to local restaurants, and parks. We just happened to be there over the weekend of Art-a-Whirl which is basically a Gallery Hop on crack. We enjoyed several breweries in the area including one that was mostly ciders and one that had the BEST mojito-infused summer ale. 

We enjoyed free things like the Como Zoo and conservatory (open and free 365 days a year) and Free Thursday at the Walker Art Center (thanks Target!). One of my favorite places in the world, the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden, is located by the Walker so I got to see my beloved Spoon Bridge and one of my old apartments in the background. Ruby was not thrilled about having to go through the Walker and whined that it was "SOOO booooring!" the entire time. The staff followed us around like we were criminals after Ruby stepped onto one of the pedestals under a sculpture. She called the sculpture garden a "mommy park that is fun but not fun." 

Between our time in Northeast and Uptown we went back up to Chisago to stay with my aunt for a week. We hiked in a few local parks which one time resulted in two ticks making Ruby's head their home. I didn't realize how much a of a pain in the ass those little bastards are to pull off. To say Ruby was not pleased was an understatement. Although she did exclaim over and over again, "how cute!" the ticks were-once they were off of her. We got root beer at a local drive-in, visited the Franconia Sculpture Park (Fun Fact: The Josephine Sculpture Park located in Frankfort, KY., was started by people who had originally worked at Franconia), and took pics by the Minnesota sign. We went to a couple of breweries in that general area. One in Stillwater, one in Lino Lakes, and a tiny brewery in Somerset Wisconsin. I'm not a huge beer person (I'm slowly working on finding my style) but I think fondly and often of the Breakfast Pizza we ordered while in Somerset. Heath and I agreed that it was on the the best if not THE best pizza we've ever had. 

In Uptown we did much the same as in Northeast. Ate at local restaurants, tried new donuts, new ice cream, browsed local shops including a killer vintage bridal store. Our apartment was more spacious than than the one in NE so that meant that Ruby had her own room and Jasper didn't have to sleep in the kitchen (there was a lot of adapting and "make it work" moments on this trip). I loved the tall ceilings, antique built-ins, and abundance of natural light. We were also very close to the lake so we walked to it a couple of time. Once I took Ruby to the beach. It was her second beach trip and Jasper's first. Despite the fact that the water was not at all warm Ruby played in it for almost an hour before suddenly realizing she was freezing cold and having an epic meltdown. Jasper liked the sand and thought that rocks were very tasty. I didn't realize just how much I miss being near the water until I was there.

Of course, frolicking in the cities and stuffing our faces full of amazing food and beer was not the point of the trip. We got to spend a lot of time with my family. More importantly Heath got to spend time with my family and they got to spend time with him. Since I moved to Kentucky 12 years ago I think this was only Heath's fourth time visiting Minnesota. In the past I think there have been some wrong impressions from both sides about each other so it was nice to kind of clear all that up. I spent a lot of time with my grandma, who is 93, and my grandfather and spent some time with my aunt and uncle who I almost never saw as a kid but we've connected in the past few years.  Mom, Dad, aunts, uncles, brothers, sister, sister-in-laws, new girlfriends, friends I got to see them all! It was great. Ruby loved playing with her cousins and her "Uncle Daisy" and Jasper crawled for the first time. It was nice to be able to share that milestone. 

Since getting back we've had quite a few people ask, "Are you guys moving to Minnesota?" This trip was not only about seeing my family and eating and drinking. For me it was partly a test for myself. I've wanted to go back to Minnesota for a while but I have to look at the whole thing objectively. My memories of the cities are of being single, hanging out with my friends, dancing, getting drunk and tipping drag queens. I'm not a totally different person but obviously I have more responsibilities now. Would I even like it in the cities anymore? Turns out I still really loved it. I felt at home again.  

Regardless of how happy I was it's not just my decision to make. There are other people involved and there are a ridiculous number of logistical and emotional things to consider. Making the decision to leave would probably be about 100x harder than my decision to move to Lexington in the first place. But part of me wants to DO IT. I am craving something new and different and part of me wants to be forced into a new situation outside of my comfort zone with new challenges.  Of course, I don't really need to move to do those things so that isn't the best excuse. When it comes down to it I don't know but I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that moving back to Minnesota may not be the best for our family and it really sucks. By saying that I don't mean that I don't enjoy anything about Lexington, because there are a lot of thing... well, it's complicated and would make a long, rambling post of its own. 

This is the first year that we've done any kind of Easter-related activities. In the past I avoided doing anything  because we don't celebrate the actual reason for Easter and I didn't want to put too much emphasis on the consumer-related aspect. But this year I said fuck it and we just did some fun stuff and ate too many Reese's peanut butter eggs. 

Egg dying went pretty well. Besides Ruby slam dunking the eggs into the containers of dye, her dipping her hands into the dye and then waving her hands around. My friend Kelly brought some cool egg tattoos so our eggs were bad ass. 

We hid the eggs we dyed as well (I hate the plastic eggs). I thought we'd hidden them in such a manner that she'd still find them pretty easily but we ended up hinting and helping her a lot. She took the hardest route possible to get the egg hidden in the grass underneath the branches. All she really needed to do was reach in and grab it. Instead she decided she needed to move every limb. When she got near the egg in the tree we said, "Look up!" and she looked up to the sky and twirled around awhile before we finally said, "In the tree!" 

Jasper wasn't feeling up to the hunt (a.k.a. was immobile)  and was forced to watch Ruby run around from the comfort of his stroller. Next year they'll have to fight each other for the eggs. 

We decided to hide her basket as well. As you can see Ruby was very excited about the basket (which she shared with Jasper). When she saw it she put her hand over her mouth and was like, "Oh my GOSH!" and squealed. It was the cutest thing. Of course the only thing she cared about was the mini Reese's eggs. The way she tore into that thing you'd think we never give her sweets! Did you know, according to what they told us at work, the average cost of an Easter basket is $75? I think I spent $15 thanks to some awesome clearance art supplies from Target. Win. 

Likes:
-Food, in solid or liquid form. It took a few months to get him going on the solids but I think he's finally completely on board. He's even eating peas!
-Mia. Or any of the cats really, but Mia is the one who usually gets close enough to him so that he can touch her and grab a handful of fur. 
-Playing with himself while on the changing table. He laughs up a storm while doing so. It feels a little wrong but I just let  him do his thing. 
-His sister. Even though she is rough with him and hurts him to varying degrees on a semi-regular basis and sometimes screams so loud that he cries. Despite that he is pretty enthralled with her and I love seeing them together. 

Dislikes:
-Sleeping through the night. He's better than he was before, like we'll get a night or two a week of him not waking, but more often than not he still wakes up in the night to eat. (this is really more a dislike on my part than his, of course)

 We had to switch him from the handy baby carrier seat to an actual full-sized car seat. He was at the limit of the seat weight, 24 pounds, and when I took him out of the car I hit his little feet against the car because they were hanging far over the end. Ruby had been walking for quite a while by the time she outgrew her first seat! 

Things around here have been very chaotic since the new year (really, since I went back to work). Working almost 40 hours while taking care of two kids and trying not to completely fail at life is really, really hard. 

Heath lost his job at the very very end of 2014. Happy New Year! It was really for the best though. When he called me to tell me he'd been let go I was happy about it. He needed to get out of there and find somewhere that appreciated him and gave him more opportunities. The job market for software development in Lexington is not the greatest so he took a six month contract position working from home for a large pharmecutical company in Los Angeles. He flew out there for a few days a couple weeks ago. I was a little jealous, especially when he called me and told me he was driving along the coast. He seems to like it pretty well and already has a good rapport with his co-workers. Personally, I would hate working from home but he doesn't mind. Hopefully in six months he'll be able to continue on with this contract or find another one easily. 

The kids are good. Ruby is just as energetic as ever. The terrible 3's have turned into the Not-as-Terrible-But-Still-Not-Awesome 4's. I feel like I should just resign myself to the fact that this is just how things are going to be with her. She's always going to have a TON of energy, she's always going to need a lot of attention and stimulations, and she'll always be a very articulate smart ass. When it comes down to it, other than the whole "smart ass" part, I wouldn't have it any other way. I really do like that she is the way that she is, but damn, is it exhausting and frustrating. 

Jasper is almost 8 months old and is still such a little chubby sweetie pie. He's babbling like mad, drooling like mad (but no sign of teeth), sitting up mostly unassisted, and has even been able to roll himself over a few times. He clocked in at 22 pounds at a recent doctors visit so that's quite an accomplishment! He still isn't sleeping through the night like Ruby did but we get a couple nights here and there. 

I guess that leaves me. I could be better. I have definitely been depressed the past few months, a combination of exhaustion, stress, lack of light, and the general gray-ness of winter. Recently we've had some warm days and more importantly *THE SUN* have put me in a better mood but there are a lot of things that I need to work on in my life. I need a few big changes, I need to take better care of myself, and I need more creativity in my life. I could easily say something about "oh, just add that to my (always very long) to-do list" but I've put things off for far too long. Hopefully just putting my intentions out there and being more mindful will help me get over the hump. 

Have I mentioned that we kind of forgot to bring up the whole topic of Santa to Ruby? I'm fairly certain that she knows who Santa is because of daycare but Heath and I have never talked about him at home and she has never asked anything about him. She's hasn't been to see Santa at the mall, we don't put cookies out for Santa, etc. etc. Earlier in the month Heath said, "I guess we should try and do the Santa thing...." and that was about as far as it got. After we had her my first reaction was, "I don't want to Lie to her!" but after thinking about it *I* wasn't traumatized by finding out Santa wasn't real and I didn't hold anything against my parents for playing the Santa game. As lame as it is I guess we are just lazy. But really, why should some mythical bearded fat guy get all the credit for all the cool gifts that we work hard to get for her? I don't think that her Christmas experience is ruined because she doesn't think that Santa comes down the chimney to deliver gifts. We do other stuff... like make totally innapropriate sugar cookies....

Not doing the Santa thing has its advantages. No midnight (or later) wrapping parties here!  Our gifts had been sitting under the tree for a week before Christmas ready to go. Amazingly I didn't wander in the living room to find any/all gifts unwrapped and the floor covered in paper. My work schedule was cruel (i.e. I had to go in very early) the days leading up to Christmas and I had to work Christmas Eve so we decided to open our gifts on Dec. 23. This also eliminated the need to haul all of these gifts down to Pikeville and back again. 

Ruby was excited about her gifts but not as excited as I was when I opened my gift from Heath: A Go Pro! A GP was on my list but I wasn't expecting it as it was over the $100 limit that we set for each other. BUT Heath was awesome (and lucky) and WON one, with several accessories, at his work Christmas Party Score!! I was psyched. Jasper was barely interested in the proceedings, he just looked super adorable.

After work on Christmas Eve we packed up the kids and drove down to Heath's parents house. Thankfully Jasper is a champion when it comes to being in the car and road trips and Ruby slept most of the way down (very rare for her). After we arrived we ate dinner and opened more gifts.

 Since all gift opening had occurred the night before you'd think that sleeping in would be part of the equation but alas Ruby decided that we had to wake up at 8:30. After breakfast we drove to Heath's cousin's house where more people got to meet Jasper for the first time. We opened a few more gifts, ate yummy food, and then drove back to Lexington so that I could get enough sleep to wake up at 3am so that I could go to work. Barf.

This year was definitely involved a lot of faking it until I made it as far as the holidays went. By the time the 26th rolled around I was completely exhausted from work/Jasper not sleeping/pumping all the time. People at work would ask, "How was your Christmas?" and I'd give a half-hearted, "It was okay." Because I was frickin' exhausted! I hated to seem so negative but that's just how it was this year. The tree was up, we made sugar cookies, a made a christmas card/birth announcement, wrapped gifts etc. I think I did pretty good considering that I really wanted to be in bed by 7pm every night. Perhaps next year won't be so crazy? Or maybe just a slightly less tiring version of crazy??