I don't know my SIL as well as I would like but my brother and I are super close and had talked constantly about pregnancy and child-related things since they got the BFP. When my family came down to visit in January I took him to Target and hooked him up with some clearance deals on various baby items. Then, in all my vast, vast knowledge (ya know, from having only one kid) I took him through the baby department, told him what things were, and advised on what was really needed and what was not.
I've known people who've suffered from miscarriages but I've never been privy to details other than, "I had a miscarriage a few years back" Like I said above I won't go into details because it's pretty awful, but I've never been so up close and personal with this situation. I've never heard my brother sound so sad and so empty before. Thinking about how he sounded that night and when I talked to him the next morning makes me cry...it was just horrible.
At the hospital they were able to find out the sex of the baby. It was a little boy. They named him Derek Michael, the middle name in honor of my SIL's father who recently passed away. He's been cremated and is now home with his mom and dad.
I am so immensely sad for both my brother and SIL but I don't feel like I can express just how sorry I am with words. Whenever I try whatever I say just sounds horribly insufficient. There's been a lot of "I'm so sorry" and "I don't know what to say." because both are true and that's about all I got. It feels selfish to talk about MY feelings in a situation like this but I'm sad too, I lost my nephew. A nephew that I was very, very excited to meet and get to know. I'm sad for them, I'm sad for grandparents, I'm sad for Ruby who won't get to know her cousin but grateful that she's too young to wrap her head around what happened.
Again, the distance between Minnesota and Kentucky is a curse because I so want to be there for them. Buuuut...as selfish and maybe awful as this is, I am glad to have a 900 mile buffer between myself and horrible sadness. Not that I haven't cried or been horribly sad, because I most certainly have. When it comes down to it though, I'd trade the buffer for a chance to be there with them.
Thankfully they've had overwhelming support from friends, family, and even strangers, both online and in person. One woman that my brother had called regarding daycare happened to return his call the day after the miscarriage. My brother told her what had happened and a few days later they received a letter in the mail from her saying how sorry she was and sharing with them her own experience with miscarriage. My brother texted me and said, "People are so nice. It's amazing. I've wanted to cry just because of the support we've gotten."