Laurie Appleby-Williams
  • home
  • Ceramics
  • Events
  • Laurie

Stop and Smell the Baby.

8/30/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture

Yesterday, as I picked up Jasper he settled into the most perfect snuggle position on my shoulder. I realized, as I sat there rubbing his back and smelling his little head, that I don't snuggle him very often. This isn't intentional. Usually I am feeding him or I'm feeding him again or changing him or trying to get him to calm down. If it's not him I'm trying not to completely ignore Ruby, make at least some physical form of contact with Heath, or keep the house from entering Level Chaos in the cleanliness department. Last, but not least, I am trying to take just a little bit of time to myself. Snuggling takes a back burner.

In perhaps a more inspirational post I'd end by saying something along the lines of make sure that you are taking the time to snuggle because they grow up so fast, dont'cha know. But you probably already know that and feel guilty that you don't do it more. No guilt trips here! Just do the best you can!

0 Comments

Confidence Bucket List

8/19/2014

2 Comments

 
Recently another blogger that I follow, Authentically Emmie (via Brittany, Herself) wrote out her list of things she wished she had the confidence to do. Here's my list because, unless you want a post all about the joys of breastfeeding a newborn with a bottomless pit for a stomach (just a hint, it's not awesome), this is all I have right now!
1. Get a new job. I've been with Target for almost 17 years now. I like my job, I'm really, really good at it, I work with awesome people, and I get paid a nice hourly rate-I know, I know, sounds just *awful*, right?-but is it really what I want to do with the rest of my life? I really wish that I could be content with my job but hours are sketchy (some weeks I may get 30 hours, some weeks I'll get 10) and I don't feel like I'm contributing much to anything other than a big fat bonus into a CEO's wallet. A HUGE part of it, of course, is a comfort zone thing. I'm comfortable where I'm at, I'm good at what I do and I've been doing it forever! The thought of a new job is a little terrifying!  

2. Join Roller Derby Lite. My time in full-fledged roller derby was kind of a flop. Long story short I fell multiple times during a practice, broke my tailbone, and cried. It really hurt! I think RDL is more my speed but I'm still afraid of hurting myself. (I have been more afraid of physical injury like broken bones, etc. ever since I broke my ankle in 2011). But still, I love to skate and I think it would be a lot of fun.

3. Wear the clothes I really want to wear. Not just pin them on my Pinterest board. Sure, most of what I usually admire when window shopping are pin-up style, boob-tastic dresses which are completely unrealistic for my life (dealing with kids, Tgt requires red/khaki) but still, there has got to be some sort of compromise between the dresses and the yoga pants/t-shirts that I feel like I am constantly wearing now. Oh, Stacey and Clinton, I wish you were still in business!

4. Move to a new city. For whatever reason I have been really, really wanting to move lately. Quite a few friends of mine have recently moved to new places and I've been a little envious of the fact that they get to go somewhere new and start over. I guess it feels like a bit of a challenge, too, something that will get Heath and I out of our comfort zones. And hopefully Heath into a better job. Of course this could just be a case of "the grass is greener".

5. Get a large tattoo. I have three tattoos but they are small and inconspicuous. I want something BRIGHT, BIG, and BOLD. I have a few ideas up on my Pinterest board but I have yet to make a decision as to what that bright, big, and bold design would be. 

6. Pose naked for a drawing class. The thought of being so comfortable with my body that I could stand completely nude in front of total strangers while they sketch me is totally foreign to me. But dammit, I really want to be that comfortable with myself! 

7. Write this blog the way I really want to. I have been blogging on a semi-consistant basis since about 2006. Mostly it's just been fluffy, a record of "what I did today" blah blah blah.  The thing I feel most compelled to write about right now is, shocker, being a mom, but more specifically about my journey to accepting myself as "mom". So why don't I? Apparently because I am 36 and deep down I still care what people think. Also, I don't consider myself that strong of a writer (so if you've told me that you like my writing style-thank you!) and wonder if I could ever be organized enough when putting my thoughts on the subject out there and not be totally all over the place and confusing. 

I'm sure I'll come up with more things as I think on the topic but since I'd rather this post didn't get lost in the abyss of my drafts box, I'm just going to go ahead and publish it. I'd love to hear what you'd put on YOUR list!
2 Comments

Jasper's Birth: Part 1

8/12/2014

1 Comment

 
On Friday, 07/25/14 I was just over the 41 week mark. Heath and I went to the OB for another ultrasound to see how things were going since we were nearing the kind of universally agreed upon deadline for baby growing of 42 weeks. I was excited because I would get confirmation that indeed everything was going well, it was another chance to see him/her, and maybe find out the sex. Squeee! We'd (meaning ME) had wanted to know at the 20-week scan but someone wasn't cooperating. Heath was content to wait but I really, really, really (really, really, really) wanted to know.

During the appointment the tech took measurements and started making comments about how big the baby was going to be. Just what everyone wants to hear. I figured that he/she'd be larger than Ruby, she was pretty small, but I still wasn't expecting the tech to say that he/she was clocking in at around 11 pounds. In my head I was like, ffuuuuuck! but I also know that these measurements are not the most accurate ever (they were off by 2 pounds with Ruby). Besides that everything else was looking good; heart rate, amniotic levels, breathing rate etc. 

I asked if they could tell the sex, and, since Heath didn't want to know he stood facing the corner while she searched. I knew before she typed the words on the screen. It was quite obvious that it was a B-O-Y. I cried, in a good way. I instantly wanted to tell Heath and share the excitement with him but I only bugged him about it once and then I stopped. I just had to make sure that I kept switching back and forth between "he" and "she" in our conversations! (Do I regret finding out ahead of time? Absolutely not. Knowing did not take away from my birth experience)

After the tech left the doctor came in and went over the results. He asked if I had the gestational diabeetus, because apparently most of the time women do not have as much amniotic fluid as I did that late in the game unless they are diabetic. I insisted that I did NOT but he brought it up again several times, which was frustrating. 

Did you know that if you previously gave birth to a child that was only 6.12, that there is no way that you can give birth to a child nearing or exceeding 11 pounds? Apparently that is the case, as the doc insisted that he didn't think it was physically possible for me to do so. I know this is bs because my mom had a 11.7-er and I know other people who are much more petite than myself that have given birth to large babies. Way to be encouraging, dude. Gees. 

So because of the (supposed) size he didn't think that I was a candidate for a home birth or even a vaginal birth. It was recommend that I have a c-section, sometime in the next few days. For the next 10 minutes the doctor went on to describe the reasons WHY I should have a c-section: Increased risk of shoulder distocia (shoulders getting stuck behind the pubic bone during delivery) which could lead to a difficult delivery, nerve damage, broken clavicle, death of the baby or death of me. I don't think Heath and I said anything the whole time, we were just kind of like, "Whaaaaa....?' It definitely wasn't what we expected to hear. 

Even though I knew that I am was perfectly capable of giving birth to a large child (that is kind of what my body was designed to do after all) when someone tells you, "you or your baby could DIE!" I don't know, I freaked out a little. The next day was spent stressing, talking things over with our midwife and doula, reading a lot of research, and trying to listen to my instincts instead of just being scared shitless. I absolutely did not want to have a c-section, for many reasons; being given antibiotics during the procedure, longer recovery time, being separated from the baby after birth, the fact that the baby would not be exposed to helpful bacteria from the birth canal, etc. For me a c-section was just the exact opposite of everything that I hoped my birthing experience would be.

Of course, when it came down to it though the most important thing was the health of the baby. Since my amniotic fluid levels were good and he was overall still very healthy we decided to wait (even though the doc was willing to come in the next day, on a Saturday, to do the procedure). If the weekend had passed and nothing happened we'd do the c-section on Monday or Tuesday but even that deadline created stress for both Heath and I. Eventually we decided to ditch the Mon/Tues deadline and just stick with our original plan of a home birth unless I actually did make it to 42 weeks with no action. Of course, thankfully, we ended up not having to wait that long.  

To be continued...
1 Comment

Mon, Aug 4, 2014

8/4/2014

1 Comment

 
Picture
Rocking Ruby's sleeper.
Well, it's been just over a week since Jasper burst into the world. Like after Ruby was born it feels like he's always been a part of the family. There's been and will be more adjustments for sure but for the most part things have been pretty smooth. He is a pretty chill baby. He really only cries for a few reasons: 

1. He is about to have an ass-'splosion.

2. He's naked.

3. He's hungry.

He sleeps pretty well, maybe a bit too well. I often have to wake him up to feed him or to roust him while I am feeding him so that he'll get enough to eat. Not that I am complaining. I value sleep too much and am happy to get 3 hours in a row at night. Speaking of sleep, now that I am no longer hugely pregnant, ohmygosh, sleeping is SO much more comfy. I can lay on my stomach again, my hips don't hurt, I can roll over with ease. It. Is. GLORIOUS! 

The biggest adjustment for me has been the fact that Jasper is a HE. The first time I changed his diaper and was faced with his penis and tiny balls I was like, Uuummmm, Holy crap! what do I do with these?? You'd think that I was handling a stick of dynamite that could explode at any moment as I wiped him off. I've been peed on, peed at, and shat at more times in this past week than ever before in my life. Most of this has taken place at the changing table but yesterday during book club I was holding him and out of nowhere he just started peeing all over me. I have no idea how it escaped through diaper and clothing. Of course I'd brought spare clothes for him but didn't think that I'd need some for myself! 

Of course, a major difference this time around is of course having Ruby to take care of as well. People ask how she's doing with Jasper all the time and I'd love to say, "Oh, yeah, she's doing so great!" But we've had some issues. Her listening, which we didn't think could get any worse, has, she's a little rough with him at times, and she's decided that peeing in the corner of her room is the cool thing to do. I know things will get better and thankfully I've found the patience to deal and my shit has not slid off my cracker just yet. It's not all bad though, she is eager to help, and basically does almost everything that I ask her to do when it comes to getting things for him and handing me things when I'm stuck on the couch feeding him. I think she likes him but he's far too inactive for her taste.

Heath goes back to work on Thursday which sucks mainly because its been nice spending time together. Because Ruby is in daycare I'm not worried about handling two on my own. Not so sure how I'll fare in two weeks when Heath goes to GenCon in Indianapolis but we'll just hope for the best.



1 Comment
    Follow on Bloglovin

    Categories

    All
    Art
    Ceramics
    Explore Kentucky
    Explore Lexington
    Herakut
    Jasper
    Minnesota
    Mixed Media
    Mural
    Oliver
    Pinterest
    Ruby
    Second Shooter
    Street Art
    Thrifting
    Vacation
    Wedding

    Archives

    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    June 2012
    May 2011

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.