Laurie Appleby-Williams
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Confidence Bucket List

8/19/2014

2 Comments

 
Recently another blogger that I follow, Authentically Emmie (via Brittany, Herself) wrote out her list of things she wished she had the confidence to do. Here's my list because, unless you want a post all about the joys of breastfeeding a newborn with a bottomless pit for a stomach (just a hint, it's not awesome), this is all I have right now!
1. Get a new job. I've been with Target for almost 17 years now. I like my job, I'm really, really good at it, I work with awesome people, and I get paid a nice hourly rate-I know, I know, sounds just *awful*, right?-but is it really what I want to do with the rest of my life? I really wish that I could be content with my job but hours are sketchy (some weeks I may get 30 hours, some weeks I'll get 10) and I don't feel like I'm contributing much to anything other than a big fat bonus into a CEO's wallet. A HUGE part of it, of course, is a comfort zone thing. I'm comfortable where I'm at, I'm good at what I do and I've been doing it forever! The thought of a new job is a little terrifying!  

2. Join Roller Derby Lite. My time in full-fledged roller derby was kind of a flop. Long story short I fell multiple times during a practice, broke my tailbone, and cried. It really hurt! I think RDL is more my speed but I'm still afraid of hurting myself. (I have been more afraid of physical injury like broken bones, etc. ever since I broke my ankle in 2011). But still, I love to skate and I think it would be a lot of fun.

3. Wear the clothes I really want to wear. Not just pin them on my Pinterest board. Sure, most of what I usually admire when window shopping are pin-up style, boob-tastic dresses which are completely unrealistic for my life (dealing with kids, Tgt requires red/khaki) but still, there has got to be some sort of compromise between the dresses and the yoga pants/t-shirts that I feel like I am constantly wearing now. Oh, Stacey and Clinton, I wish you were still in business!

4. Move to a new city. For whatever reason I have been really, really wanting to move lately. Quite a few friends of mine have recently moved to new places and I've been a little envious of the fact that they get to go somewhere new and start over. I guess it feels like a bit of a challenge, too, something that will get Heath and I out of our comfort zones. And hopefully Heath into a better job. Of course this could just be a case of "the grass is greener".

5. Get a large tattoo. I have three tattoos but they are small and inconspicuous. I want something BRIGHT, BIG, and BOLD. I have a few ideas up on my Pinterest board but I have yet to make a decision as to what that bright, big, and bold design would be. 

6. Pose naked for a drawing class. The thought of being so comfortable with my body that I could stand completely nude in front of total strangers while they sketch me is totally foreign to me. But dammit, I really want to be that comfortable with myself! 

7. Write this blog the way I really want to. I have been blogging on a semi-consistant basis since about 2006. Mostly it's just been fluffy, a record of "what I did today" blah blah blah.  The thing I feel most compelled to write about right now is, shocker, being a mom, but more specifically about my journey to accepting myself as "mom". So why don't I? Apparently because I am 36 and deep down I still care what people think. Also, I don't consider myself that strong of a writer (so if you've told me that you like my writing style-thank you!) and wonder if I could ever be organized enough when putting my thoughts on the subject out there and not be totally all over the place and confusing. 

I'm sure I'll come up with more things as I think on the topic but since I'd rather this post didn't get lost in the abyss of my drafts box, I'm just going to go ahead and publish it. I'd love to hear what you'd put on YOUR list!
2 Comments
Amy
8/19/2014 03:29:19 am

sFyi, you are an amazing writer. And the rest of us Need the honest mom viewpoint so We feel less crazy. Accepting the mom version of yourself is a process... full of joy and mushy stuff... growth... and grief, too. Not just "crap this is hard" grief... but you have to say goodbye to a giant piece of who you were and the life you used to live. Dammit all... It's hard. Thank you for your blog. it helps.

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Elizabeth
8/21/2014 12:47:03 am

Love this list and the idea of a list like this! You know what I'm going to say… go for Derby Lite!! You'll have so much fun and a great workout!-- though I totally understand your hesitation given your past experience. I agree with Amy's comment above… you are a great writer. I love the idea of reading your thoughts on being a Mom and parenting. I feel like everything is painted in a super rosy way and that's just not reality. I'm guilty of it. I post pic after pic of my kids happy and smiling and thats fine but it's not reality 60% of the time. I scream at them, I make mistakes, they make them too… and thats life. I've even hesitated to talk about my recent depression on my blog. It's not a good feeling to feel like you're hiding part of yourself. I want to be more open and less hesitant when it comes to writing too. Maybe I should make my own list.

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