So why have I decided to come out of the closet now? At this point I basically don't care anymore, I'm kind of in the home stretch and officially on maternity leave, plus I feel like by not being able to talk about my pregnancy and what I've been feeling about it that I've held myself back when it comes to this blog which is ultimately a diary of my life, my thoughts and feelings. Sure, I could do this in private, and I have been, but for whatever reason I am driven to share words with whomever should happen to stop by my little place on the Web. (Perhaps this is the storyteller in me that my great-grandma tried to force out of me as I was growing up but I denied ever existed?)
That being said, things are going great. Although I did have "morning" sickness this time around (I didn't with Ruby) but once December and January passed things were all good. Emotionally I haven't had to deal with the anxiety like I did the first time around (thank god) but I was feeling more depressed for a while so I opted to take Wellbutrin which has seemed to help (along with the end of that ridiculously long winter, more sun, and getting my energy back at the end of Jan). I've been spoiling myself with massage on a regular basis (weekly at this point), a splurge, most definitely, but totally worth it.
I've had the usual doubts that I assume most sane people have when embarking on a journey such as this. There's been lots of "what the hell were we thinking" mostly when dealing with Ruby's terrible threes moments. There was, and still is, stress when it comes to the cost of two kids in daycare (ffffuuuuuuuck!) and unresolved future plans around that. I've felt guilt for having a healthy pregnancy while my SIL and brother lost their first child (we were only 6 weeks apart) and I've been dealing with issues of identity and this whole mom thing, an ongoing challenge in my life.
Ruby is excited to have a brother or a sister (we don't know the sex) but I had to explain to her that there is no "brother AND sister" only "brother OR sister" after several people at her daycare asked me if I was having twins. She was very disappointed by that conversation. All in all I think she will handle being a big sister quite swimmingly, as long as the green-eyed monster doesn't emerge when her favorite-st person EVER, grandpa, holds the baby.
Only a few weeks now, give or take. The next few weeks or however long I have will be spent getting stuff done (major, major nesting going on at this point), relaxing, sleeping, enjoying our time alone with Ruby, and trying to squeeze in time with friends and for just Heath and I. Okay, little one, I think we're going to be shooting more for 'later' rather than 'sooner'...