Laurie Appleby-Williams
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My Baby's Got A Secret

6/27/2014

12 Comments

 
Or rather, I do. So this is happening...
Picture
Obligatory bump selfie in bathroom with terrible lighting.
Yep, I am pregnant with baby number two. Almost 38 weeks to be exact. If you know about my pregnancy you're my husband, my child, my midwife, my doula, my massage therapist, an observant co-worker, good friend, or family member. I have told random people as I've seen them out and about if the topic presents itself but haven't felt the need to make a huge deal of it on FB or really in general. (please don't feel offended about just finding out, its nothing personal) I've been keeping things on the DL for a smattering of reasons: I didn't/don't want people to treat me differently, (I am certainly capable of lifting those boxes, etc. thank you), I just like to do things my own way without judgment from others (helping build giant play sets, doing boudoir sessions, eating copious amounts of sashimi and soft cheeses, etc), but mostly I like that the experience is a private(ish) thing between Heath, Ruby, and I. 

So why have I decided to come out of the closet now? At this point I basically don't care anymore, I'm kind of in the home stretch and officially on maternity leave, plus I feel like by not being able to talk about my pregnancy and what I've been feeling about it that I've held myself back when it comes to this blog which is ultimately a diary of my life, my thoughts and feelings. Sure, I could do this in private, and I have been, but for whatever reason I am driven to share words with whomever should happen to stop by my little place on the Web. (Perhaps this is the storyteller in me that my great-grandma tried to force out of me as I was growing up but I denied ever existed?)  

That being said, things are going great. Although I did have "morning" sickness this time around (I didn't with Ruby) but once December and January passed things were all good. Emotionally I haven't had to deal with the anxiety like I did the first time around (thank god) but I was feeling more depressed for a while so I opted to take Wellbutrin which has seemed to help (along with the end of that ridiculously long winter, more sun, and getting my energy back at the end of Jan). I've been spoiling myself with massage on a regular basis (weekly at this point), a splurge, most definitely, but totally worth it. 

I've had the usual doubts that I assume most sane people have when embarking on a journey such as this. There's been lots of "what the hell were we thinking" mostly when dealing with Ruby's terrible threes moments. There was, and still is, stress when it comes to the cost of two kids in daycare (ffffuuuuuuuck!) and unresolved future plans around that. I've felt guilt for having a healthy pregnancy while my SIL and brother lost their first child (we were only 6 weeks apart) and I've been dealing with issues of identity and this whole mom thing, an ongoing challenge in my life. 

Ruby is excited to have a brother or a sister (we don't know the sex) but I had to explain to her that there is no "brother AND sister" only "brother OR sister" after several people at her daycare asked me if I was having twins. She was very disappointed by that conversation. All in all I think she will handle being a big sister quite swimmingly, as long as the green-eyed monster doesn't emerge when her favorite-st person EVER, grandpa, holds the baby. 

Only a few weeks now, give or take. The next few weeks or however long I have will be spent getting stuff done (major, major nesting going on at this point), relaxing, sleeping, enjoying our time alone with Ruby, and trying to squeeze in time with friends and for just Heath and I. Okay, little one, I think we're going to be shooting more for 'later' rather than 'sooner'...
12 Comments
Lyle
6/27/2014 06:57:45 am

It's difficult to place into words, with the exact elegance of thought, the idea that you resonant in me with this post. Life is complicated. It's always amazing, awesome, and can quite frequently be tough and frustrating at the same time. Liz and I are very excited for you, and enjoy following your work as we can. I can't wait to see all your new experiences reflected in it when our paths cross again.

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Laurie
6/30/2014 09:06:31 am

Thanks, Lyle! I've always thought you were good at putting things into words. :)

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Amber
6/27/2014 02:46:14 pm

Yay!!!! What awesome news! Congrats and wheeeeee! Love to you and all of yours!

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Laurie
6/30/2014 09:06:54 am

Thanks dear!! Miss you!

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newtorontomom link
6/28/2014 03:41:59 am

congrats!!!!

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Laurie
6/30/2014 09:07:29 am

Thank you! And thanks for stopping by my blog :)

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chrisdy
6/30/2014 08:55:38 am

Congrats ... can't wait to see him or her.. Also I love this site of urs i love ur art work n stories u write keep it up.. who knows maybe Ull be famous someday... u never know . Love u and the hole family there.. keep it up

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chrissy
6/30/2014 08:56:16 am

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Laurie
6/30/2014 09:07:59 am

Thanks, Chrissy!

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Mariah
7/7/2014 05:47:00 pm

Congrats on the new addition to the family! I'm very happy for all four of you.

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Shay
7/10/2014 10:49:37 am

Congrats you 3!!!! So happy for y'all! I am glad I took time to check Facebook and read your blog. I love seeing pics of Ruby, she is precious! Congrats again! Good luck on your flight to MN!!!

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Elizabeth
8/21/2014 01:02:46 am

1. Congrats! I'm so happy for you.
2. I 100% understand your feelings of guilt for having a healthy pregnancy/baby when your SIL experienced a loss. I can only tell you that I have been on the flip side of this exact thing. My sister was 6 weeks ahead of me when I lost my baby at 13 weeks. I can honestly say I never ONE time looked at her with envy or wishing that it was me having a healthy baby. I never felt sorry for myself when I watched her belly grow. I was delighted to watch her give birth even though I wasn't able to at the time. I don't know if your SIL feels the same way but I do know I didn't want my sister for one second to feel an ounce of guilt or not be allowed to enjoy her pregnancy or experience because of mine. I was just so happy to have a healthy new baby in the family. I knew my time would come.. so I hope you don't give it another thought.
3. What. The. FUCK. with people asking if your'e having twins! People say and ask the most obnoxious things when you're pregnant!! That happened to me.. more than once also… with every baby I carried. A cashier at Target (funny enough) even followed up to my response of "no, just one baby".. with "well geez, that's one BIG baby then. good luck to you getting that thing out!" OMFG people, stop.
4. I'm done blog stalking you and writing novels in your comment sections for the day. :)

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